Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
