Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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