Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
