apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
