Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
