Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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