I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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