I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
