He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
