dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
