I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
