Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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