somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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