During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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