i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
