I'm jealous of your bromance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize