you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
