how can u be prego again
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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