From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
