laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
