I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Boobs are out for the taking
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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