I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
