She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
