I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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