Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
