belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize