If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
