Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize