just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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