it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
