well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All the doctor said was why
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
