One girl and one boy is just not enough.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Two words: nipple clamps
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