i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
