Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My feet surprised me
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