tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
