i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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