I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
