literally had 100 drinks last night.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
