im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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