Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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