Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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