Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
