I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
