If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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