There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
