Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
