Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize