whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
