Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize