need another drink. this is the easiest way
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
