id be glad to
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
