He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize