I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
