you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
