one might say we're banned from that church
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
