tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
