I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
