My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
