i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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