probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
