my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
