I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
