my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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