Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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