Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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