she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize