We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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