i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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