what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
