its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
