"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
