I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
