kristin has been a bad kristin
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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